Troxlophilia

We've all come to appreciate disclaimers. They protect us from the side effects of our dear products - like a suggestion to wear dark pants while on certain medication. Sound advice.

Well, here's mine. I was sporting a fever on Wednesday and missed Howard Troxler's appearance. Instead of the typical blog we've been doing, here's my still very-much-under-the-weather (read: presumptuous) impression of his style.

Howard Troxler seems to be a fan of the put-words-in-their-mouth tactic.

In "Scapegoats Won't Make Bus Stops Any Safer" he creates this fantastic scenario of how the school board should respond to children crossing traffic. In this magical world, bureaucrats practically show up on clouds to save children from devious automobiles. The stark reality is one of boundless cynicism.

In "This Had Better Buy Us a Lot of Stimulus", he makes up the theory of stimulus and what your stereotypical Bushy and Obamaniac would say to the proposed package in their respective time period.

And in "Stop, Thief, or Else I'll Quote Statistics!", he makes up a speech about what the police chief of St. Petersburg should be saying about violent crime in the area.

These are all around great columns. And he makes some fantastic arguments that smack of the obvious, but in a way you hadn't thought of before. At the same time, a lot of the arguments are just a little petty, in a good way.

But that tactic. Ooh! My adored ventriloquism.

I love it. I use it. Every time I open my mouth I'm bound to deride or undermine with it.

Especially for politics. Bar none, this is the best way to kick politicians off their elitist clouds and rub them around in their own filth.

However, I can't emphasize how many times I've written it only to be buffeted by an instructor claiming I don't know have the credentials to use such unorthodox stylistic devices.

To see my adored ventriloquism in print is pure vindication.